


This Kind of Love Makes Me Do Bad Things

by CoinToYourWitcher



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, All song fics all the time, An Adam Sackler-y Ben Solo, Angst, F/M, Forbidden Love, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Jedi Academy AU, Jedi Ben Solo, Loss of Virginity, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Mind Reading, Never letting Finn lay pipe, Reylo - Freeform, Teacher-Student Relationship, Tent Sex, The Force, Wall Sex, but angstier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-22 14:46:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22384564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoinToYourWitcher/pseuds/CoinToYourWitcher
Summary: Jedi Ben teaches mind reading and is tasked to keep an eye on the new student, Palpatine's granddaughter. They don't even have to try to read each other's minds.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 43
Kudos: 168





	1. Mind Reading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben discovers his bond with Rey and his ability to read her mind.
> 
> strong>This kind of love makes me do bad things  
> Can't give it up  
> It's just too good to leave  
> This kind of love is controlling me  
> This kind of love, this kind of love  
> makes me do bad bad bad things  
> Bad bad things
> 
> Bad Things - Lizzy Land
> 
> [The Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6b8WOI4C4su210mtovSlBa?si=TrySWUBgQSeimsr1yQiW9g)

[ ](https://ibb.co/8DBWMWB)

Ben and Luke stood near the landing pad, watching the freighter land with a jaunty spin. Han was showing off. It wasn’t often that Luke sent him on a Jedi errand. This new padawan was picked up from Naboo where she had lived quietly for the last 7 years with adopted parents. Luke had given Ben the full account of her history only three days ago, upon making the discovery himself.

\--

7 years ago, Palpatine loyalists had kidnapped three members of his family to deliver them to him, testing them for force abilities in the bloodline. 10-year-old Rey did indeed have strong force abilities inherited from her father. Palpatine had killed her parents in front of her and she had destroyed him in turn with force lightning. Following this trauma, she had flown home to the Palpatine home planet of Naboo, where she was subsequently adopted.

**\--**

“Master Luke, if this event really did take place when you say, you’ll remember I was 20 at that time. That's the same time the darkside voices in my head ended. Do you think that was because of what she did?” Ben asked hurriedly before the ramp lowered.

“I suspect you have a lot to thank this child for, Ben,” Luke said pointedly.

Chewie came out first, carrying a large ornate trunk of what they assumed were Rey’s belongings. Han followed, leading a girl that Ben identified as _not_ a child. She was wearing a slim-fitting white dress, short, but with a shear layer over it that brushed the ground. Naboo fashions. Even from a distance he could tell she had an amazing figure and he stared as the wind tugged the long wavy hair off her back and into the air.

“Be mindful of your thoughts,” Luke growled, feeling Ben’s change in energy.

Chastened, Ben Solo assembled his mental barricade for privacy. He was a knight, but Luke Skywalker would always be his master. He eyed his quarry and remembered the mission Luke had given him, to monitor the girl who had Palpatine blood, be wary of the possibility that she might turn to the dark side. This mission was to take priority over off-planet tasks for the foreseeable future. He was a babysitter. They had also promised not to reveal her origins to the other padawans and instead refer to her as Rey Larimar, using the family name of her adopted parents.

Putting his hands behind his back, Ben drew himself up to his full height, for some reason eager to impress this newcomer who had destroyed his phantom tormentor.

The girl looked up from their path to spy the famous Luke Skywalker.

Ben was momentarily jealous of Luke’s notoriety, when, unexpectedly, she locked eyes with him instead, squinting slightly to make him out better.

**_Ben Solo. It has to be._ **

Ben’s brow furrowed _. Had he just heard her thoughts from this distance as if she had spoken into his ear?_ The voice was definitely that of a young woman, with a cute accent.He glanced at Luke, but his master was giving a welcoming smile, showing no indication he had heard the voice.

**_Intense…serious…tall…his black robes…his hair…wow…he… is…looking at me…_ **

Ben swallowed, making sure his mental block was in place as he heard more rambling observations from Rey, seemingly about himself. Flashes of himself from her perspective came into his mind’s eye. He found he felt flattered and amazed at the connection. He forced himself instead to look at his father, whom he gave a polite nod.

“Rey Larimar, as requested,” Han announced, introducing her, clearly not in the loop as to her true identity. “I know Naboo pretty well, they live in a secluded spot, very nice place though.”

She dipped her chin in a shy nod, looking directly at Ben as her head came back up.

 ** _Fuuuck_**. Ben thought, taking that moment in.

Rey paused, her eyes looking to the side as if a deep voice had just cursed in her ear.

Startled, Ben put his mental barrier back up. _Shit. The connection. It goes both ways._

“I’m Master Luke Skywalker, this is Master Ben Solo, you are very welcome to the Jedi Academy. We usually start padawans around age 10 but I hear you have been taking combat training lessons on Naboo. We can teach you much here, I focus on lessons from the sacred Jedi texts-“

Han interrupted, “And Ben is a teacher too,” he bragged.

Rey turned to look at Ben cautiously, “And what subject do you teach?”

_Her voice sounds just like the one in her thoughts._

“Mind reading,” Ben said sternly.

She stared back at him, bravely even, but Ben could _feel_ her pulse quickening.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

The female padawans had soon taken Rey away to her modest student dwelling. Ben observed which one they led her to, hoping she didn’t refuse the accommodations and decide to go home. He spoke with his father and Luke for a short time, making light conversation about the upcoming padawan Cliff Night. Traditionally, every summer, about two dozen padawans attempt to climb one island’s sheer rockface--force assistance being the only mechanism for success--holding a victory bonfire at the top, complete with some serious drinking and general youthful exuberance. Ben was to chaperone and make sure no one died. Not an easy task, in previous years.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

At dinner, Ben sat with the oldest padawans and youngest knights, many of whom were speculating on the new recruit, who was nearing the entrance, trying to outrun the rain with another female padawan. _What was her name? Paige?_

They came in the far side of the hall, laughing as they rung out their hair. Rey’s long brown hair was contained in a messy braid, down to her lower back. She had donned the thin white linen padawan uniform, which was at this moment damp from the rain and deliciously clingy. He cringed as he felt the energy of several men—and women—fixate in her direction.

Ben could see she was not used to so much attention, not accustomed to having so many peers. _It’s as if she has no idea how attractive she is. Her mannerisms, her accent, her body- the rain-slick strands of hair clinging to her neck-_

Ben pretended to eat as he watched Finn, a force-sensitive former-stormtrooper stand and make his way over to Rey. He appeared to introduce himself and prattle about where she could sit and what they were eating. Rey smiled happily but responded to his fervor monosyllabically.

**_Overly Friendly Finn._ **

Ben heard her from across the room mentally categorizing Finn in an attempt to remember his name. He chuckled to himself.

Ushar, a slightly younger knight with white blonde hair elbowed Ben.

“Where has _she_ been hiding, huh?”

Ben set his fork down and turned to Ushar.

“She’s seventeen,” he responded, his voice darker and lower than he intended. “And a padawan,” he added.

Ushar scoffed but, catching Ben’s stare, went back to eating the roll in his hand.

Finn was gesticulating, describing what Ben assumed was the upcoming Cliff Night, inviting Rey, who Ben knew would not be capable of such an undertaking her first week at the academy.

Then there it was, he felt a pull--Rey’s mind--drifting as she began muffling Finn’s conversation. She glanced around once. She was listening for a deep voice in the chatter.

**_Where is he?_ **

Ben tensed. He had the urge to open his mind and respond, but refrained. He ran one large hand through his hair, the motion catching her eye.

She froze. The room slowed.

 ** _I…am in…so much trouble_** she thought, watching him with a hunger that had nothing to do with dinner.

Ben folded his hands and stared at them. He checked his wall to make sure she couldn’t feel the frenzied adrenaline coursing beneath his composed exterior.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ben didn’t see Rey for the next five days as she attended some basic force classes with Master Luke, grabbing meals at odd hours. But one morning, as he sat waiting for his usual half a dozen students to appear in the meditation chamber, with it’s reed-woven mats, and thick wooden walls, he saw her quietly slide into the room with Paige, picking open floor space by the door.

Finn, who decidedly did not have the force ability to mind read, poked his head in and spotted Rey. He came in and sat next to her as if this was where he was supposed to be.

Ben clenched his teeth, then proceeded, “Paige, Rey, Finn, nice to see you all.”

“The ability to read the thoughts of others is a violation, as you can imagine,” he started.

_I am such a hypocrite._

“It is permissible to use in practice here, but the process can be painful and dangerous and should only be used in wartime situations when the stakes are high and right is on your side.”

_Unless you have a strange connection that offers someone’s thoughts up without pain or provocation._

_“_ It has been used by dark siders to wear down Jedi with seductions and promises, ideas in their sleep…” he trailed off, remembering.

“Eye contact is not necessary. You may see or hear their thoughts in between yours, sometimes rushed, sometimes slow. Sentences aren’t complete and opinions and plans of action are not fully-formed. We’ll start slow. Turn to a partner and decide who will be the reader. The other will empty their mind and think very clearly of a color. Do not press too hard, readers.”

Finn piped up, “Rey-“

“Finn! Will you…be my partner?” Paige asked, clearly deflecting some unsolicited attention from the new girl. Finn plastered a fake smile on his face and conceded. Three more pairs formed, prior groupings from previous classes. Rey sucked her bottom lip, slowly realizing she had no partner, the odd man out. Ben paused then motioned for her to join him at the front. She stood and delicately maneuvered around her classmates. A couple feet away from him, Rey slid to her knees. Their eyeline met.

**_Shitfuck._ **

Rey cocked her head at his slip up--again. This time she gleaned it was from him. She stared at his mouth as if it had moved. A breath of laughter escaped her, relief that she had solved the mystery. She was hearing Ben’s thoughts.

Ben saw the laugh. _Okay, she heard that._

Rey leaned back, sitting on her feet. Talking began as the students attempted their task.

“Red,” Finn guessed.

“No.”

“Purple?”

“I’ll be the reader,” Rey offered.

Ben nodded, swallowing hard, trying to think of a color. _Fuck, what’s a color? Is teal a word?_ She was staring at him, sucking that bottom lip in concentration. _He can’t lower his wall thinking about her lip._ He opted to leave the wall up. _She’ll just think she can’t do it. He’ll let her in another day, when he’s composed himself._ She was stretching slightly, preparing. _Stop staring at her-_

“Are you ready?” she whispered.

Ben wiped his suddenly sweaty palms on his knees, “Do your worst.” _At least she wouldn’t be able to penetrate his practiced mind. Maybe he could get himself together and throw a color her way._ He felt five gentle fingertips touch his barrier, feeling along the surface for cracks. Gentle, yet the pull was so strong.

Rey’s eyes were closed. She looked frustrated, “I-I don’t see anything. Maybe if you weren’t…holding your breath.”

Ben didn’t realize he was. He exhaled as quietly as possible. Maybe he could _focus on the color green and not his barrier or – the fact that he’s a foot taller than her and can see nothing but her cleavage--she is NOT wearing a bra—do girls on Naboo wear bras?-- who goes to class without their underwear? Keep the wall up. I could fit both of those in one hand. Don’t think about that…….You’re thinking about it. She’s seventeen, right? Did Luke guess at her age? For FUCK sake. She CANNOT hear any of this._

Ben stood quickly, quitting while ahead, causing Rey to snap her head up, oblivious to his internal meltdown.

“I have something,” he announced to the class, pointing a thumb over his shoulder, “Something to do...that I have to do before Cliff Night. Feel free to continue practicing with-,” Ben cast his gaze around briefly, “Graham in charge.” Graham, a trustworthy padawan of middling talents, registered confused, but was eager to please. Clearing his throat, Master Ben Solo stalked out of the room, leaving an awkward silence.


	2. Cliff Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey goes on a traditional padawan challenge, complete with a bonfire, booze, and chaperone Master Ben Solo.
> 
> **And burning up the place  
>  Think prisons in my brain  
> You're some phenomenon  
> Got my hands along your hips  
> Now she wanna tight grip  
> Eyes closing when we kiss  
> It's just me and you babe **
> 
> Kaleidoscopes by Transviolet
> 
> [The Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6b8WOI4C4su210mtovSlBa?si=TrySWUBgQSeimsr1yQiW9g)

Rey was sitting on the edge of Paige’s bed, watching her pack an overnight bag, whose essentials seemed to include liquor, matches, and a giant speaker.

“You’re old enough to go, I wish you would reconsider. But it’s dangerous if you’re not familiar with the force yet,” Paige was saying.

“I’m new to the academy, not necessarily to the force,” Rey admitted. An image of force lightning emanating from her tiny ten-year-old fingers flashed in her memory. “Although, I’ll stay here, I don’t need to make a fool of myself my first week.”

“I’d be worried, but Master Ben is going and no one has ever been injured when he came,” Paige said offhandedly, continuing to describe the injuries some had sustained on Cliff Night.

“What do you mean, I thought it was just padawans?” Rey asked, attempting to sound nonchalant.

“He’s coming to make sure we are safe.”

...

“How high is the cliff again?”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey stared at Ben’s back as he steered a skimmer towards an extremely tall island that plateaued at the top. There were 18 padawans onboard and Rey pretended to laugh and converse as the general anxiety built. 

Rey was beginning to worry that not only could she occasionally hear Ben’s explosive thought outbursts--which so far have only been curse words--but perhaps he could hear her thoughts as well.

A moment ago, she was admiring _his broad back and shoulder blades_ when he glanced back at her, like he knew what she was thinking. Mortified, she focused her thoughts on the cliff ahead.

He drove the skimmer directly up onto the black sand beach, padawans leaping out before it even came to a halt. Rey grabbed her bag and followed Paige, who had climbed the cliff last summer. They trailed behind the gang of overeager male padawans to the base and looked up.

The rocks at the bottom were slippery from the surf and mist, covered in harsh barnacles and slimy algae, but further up, the challenge seemed to be the shape of the cliff, not straight up, but angled where gravity was against you.

Ben was watching her, gauging the apprehension on her face. He looked like he wanted to say something to her, maybe tell her she didn’t have to do this.

She grabbed a handhold and hoisted herself up, gradually getting a feel for the difficulty, the burn in her forearms. The rocks were abrasive like lava rock, scratching her fingers and picking at her clothes. Rey glanced down to see if he was watching.

He was. He looked fearful, his fists clenched, the wind ripping at his cloak.

_Talk about motivation._

She had never felt so strong in her life. She picked up her pace and passed the boys, adding as much grace to the climb as would allow. Somehow she could tell without looking that Ben was climbing below her, watching her every move.

Rey reached out with the bond to test her theory. _Could she read Ben Solo’s thoughts? Was his wall up now?_

She was in his mind, there was no wall, only a flurry of thoughts, he was not expecting her to be thinking of him now.

**_Using the force…without training…she’ll be teaching classes next week…16, 17, 18, okay we got everybody…doubt Finn is going to make it…oh there goes Graham…_ **

Graham was falling. Rey spun around to watch as Graham plummeted towards the rocky waves but Ben shot his hand out and slowed his fall, setting him down on his feet on the dry beach. Graham waved sheepishly and started heading back to wait by the skimmer. Rey had never seen someone use the force to float people like that.

 ** _Is she scared?_** Ben was thinking, trying to read Rey’s expression.

 ** _No._** She replied, smirking at him. That shocked him. She felt the wall return. She needed to keep her thoughts quiet until she figured out how to make a mind barrier like him.

Two more students were caught and set down safely. Rey was the first to the top. Ben was the last, having stayed in the back to watch for any fallers.

There was already a sizable pyramid of driftwood waiting for them. There were tents and bedrolls, food, and even—to Rey’s delight—a bathroom hut. Clearly the masters had been here earlier, using the force to carry supplies. As Paige and the boys lit the bonfire and started the music, Rey spotted a small fire on the beach where the 3 fallers were camping. They were specks and shadows moving around a tiny flame.

“Be careful,” came Ben’s voice behind her, “near the edge. It gets windy up here.”

“Yes, no problem, Master Ben,” Rey said turning around to face him.

“You. Did well,” he offered.

“You’re surprised,” she replied haughtily.

“Yep.” He exhaled awkwardly and spinning stiffly, withdrew to his—slightly grander—tent.

Rey smiled at his retreat. _He was…shy today. Maybe because today they were both aware of the mind connection they share._

The sun was down and the bonfire was raging. Flasks and canteens were being passed around. The boys were all walking around shirtless, hot from the fire and booze, except for Ben, who was still lurking in his tent. The more Finn drank, the closer he inched towards Rey.

She felt a slight pull. It was coming from Ben’s tent. It wasn’t a word, just an emotion. **_Jealousy._** _Was he listening to Finn talk to her, complimenting her?_

Rey turned her attention to Finn, laughing at his every joke, letting him pull her up to dance. The bonfire _was_ hot. She peeled off her shirt. She was wearing a looser, thinner, shorter shirt underneath. The air on her skin felt amazing. The other girls saw Rey and followed, stripping down slightly. The liquor dulling any shame.

Finn kept offering her his canteen, full of some foul-smelling moonshine, which burned down her throat but made her dancing less self-conscious. The next songs were faster, they twirled and their bodies touched. Holding Finn’s hand became his hand on her waist, became him behind her, his breath on her neck.

Rey would have normally pulled him off, but enjoyed the jealousy radiating from Ben’s direction. He was sitting outside the tent now, glaring at the pair of them. He held some unopened book, squeezing it. He locked eyes with her.

**_I know what you’re doing._ **

Rey tripped and fell. Paige and Finn laughed and helped her up. She realized at some point she had removed her pants. _What the fuck was in that canteen?_ She fanned her rosy face and went over to a log to sit down and watch Finn dance with Paige now. Rey began braiding her hair to get it off her back.

Ben was suddenly beside her, silently holding a jug of water out to her. She took a long drink, handing it back to him. He set it at her feet, as if she needed more. His expression was unreadable as he stared at the bonfire and revelers.

Rey stared ahead too. **_You think I’m ridiculous._** _Can he hear that?_

 ** _I think you’re drunk._** Came an immediate reply. His face gave nothing away but his voice sounded mad.

They were just sitting there, staring at the bonfire quietly--to those around them. The secret gave her a thrilling flutter in her stomach. 

**_Yes, I am._ **

He didn’t respond.

**_It’s my first week and I’m nervous._ **

**_Don’t be._** His mind voice was so deep.

Rey picked up her clothes that were laying next to her. Ben glanced down to see what she was doing. She stood up, dusting off her butt. His eyes raked her body. She could sense his gaze. When she faced him, his eyes jerked down to his feet.

**_Are you going to bed now?_ **

**_Which tent is mine?_** Her thoughts were foggy.

 ** _Pick one._** He was keeping his answers terse and formal. It was…disappointing. 

She had thought maybe his outbursts had meant he felt an attraction for her, more than this one the force was creating. _Hadn’t he been jealous all night?_ She rubbed her eyes to clear her thoughts and stepped around him into the cool dark, veering this way and that towards an unclaimed tent. She was barefoot so her progress was pathetically slow. She dropped her shoe and picked it up. _Ow. Ow. Ow. Stupid rocky island._

Suddenly her feet were in the air and Ben was princess-carrying her towards the tents. She felt like a child in his big arms. She was suddenly ashamed of her earlier display. _It was childish. He thought of her as a child. He was so much more mature than those her own age._

**_Set her down and walk away._ **

She heard him. _What did that mean? Was he ordering himself?_

Ben set her down and, without pausing, he went to turn away. But she was ready for that. She put both of her hands on his face, bringing her lips to his unsuspecting mouth.

To her surprise, he responded, melting into her, his strong arms snaking under her shirt, feeling her naked back. He sat down as not to fall over. She was on her knees in front of him again, like in the classroom, this time there was no space between them, he pulled her into his lap as their mouths and hands explored each other hastily, as if they could be caught at any moment.

In addition to the physical pleasure of his mouth and chest and hair and his hands on her bare hips, she felt their bond ignite. A sense of the future. It was like someone had turned the sound on, like she’d never heard music before. She was kissing Ben and his memories, at all stages of his life, even in days to come. 

She could feel his unguarded thoughts finally, he was brushing aside each worry as they came at him in favor of his need of her.

 ** _Her age. His station. Jedi code. His growing- Her inebriation._** No. That one stuck. He made himself pull away. He stared at her kiss-stung lips, both catching their breath. 

“I’m...sorry,” he said, sitting dumbfounded.

“I did it,” Rey said, wanting to do it again. He was boxing himself neatly up again. She was still half sitting on him. She could still feel his arousal, it was digging satisfyingly into her inner thigh.

He could feel hers, through the connection. 

**_It’s okay._** She pleaded through their bond. **_The force wouldn’t give us this if it didn’t want us together, right?_**

She could feel him wanting to believe anything that would make this okay. Through the bond just now, he knew her better than anyone. _Her defeat of Palpatine, her secluded, beautiful life recovering on Naboo, practicing defensive arts with swords and staffs, coming to the academy, her yearning for him that drowned him like that sleepy moment before you wake, full of hormones and desire. He knew how she touched herself when she was in bed. He knew no man had touched her yet._

She knew him too, how long had they kissed? Seconds? _She saw him with a blonde girl, years ago, a fellow padawan, older, more experienced._ Rey seethed. _But, more unexpected, she saw him yesterday— naked, in the shower, recalling her—Rey—the day she stepped off the Falcon, her looking up at him, her wet robes in the dining hall, when she was sitting in front of him in class and he caught a glimpse down her shirt—his big hand moving rhythmically-_

“Stop,” Ben almost shouted, clamping his hands together, “you weren’t supposed to see all that.”

“You saw me too,” Rey breathed, sliding off his lap.

“I know, it was just _there_ , I feel h-horrible...”Ben stammered.

They sat quietly for a moment, their breathing slowing, staring anywhere but at each other, neither leaving. They could hear the crackling of the bonfire, the music, the laughter. They were hidden from view by other tents, the electricity, the pull building between them again. Ben glanced at her bare legs. She watched him kneading his big hands. **_How good his hands felt on her back, how he slid them down to her hips. She’d be happy maybe if he’d just put his hands on her again. Maybe -there._** She was shaking slightly, not guarding her thoughts. There was so much unreleased tension. She dare not move towards him again. **_Could she get in trouble for this? Coming onto her teacher? Maybe she could drop out. Just one hand._**

Ben cursed, losing control. He grabbed her—there—lifting her off the ground with that same hand and tossing her effortlessly into her waiting tent. She looked down in shock, **_did that just happen?_**

Ben crawled over her, panther-like, coming down, his mouth slightly open. She did the same, enjoying the intimacy of his tongue finding hers. The tent flap was still wide open, but neither moved to close it. She arched her back, her shirt sliding up, without a thought, his hand found her breast, warm, small, soft, like all of her.

He roughly slid his knee up, parting her legs. He lowered himself, weight on one elbow, his other hand finding the place she had wanted it, _begged for it_ in her thoughts. She was swollen and wet under her small white panties.

She heard his thoughts. **_How dare she walk around without clothes on?_** He rubbed her the way she did it when she was alone. Fast, unyielding. Her groin area tensed and he was amazed how quickly she was in his thrall. He looked at her face, eyes closed, lips parted. He could feel his touch on her, through the bond, he could feel her close. 

She grabbed his arm in excitement, making noises to encourage him. He was thinking how they were somehow cute and erotic at the same time. He felt her quivering harder and finally _release_. 

He pulled his hand out of her panties, embarrassed for a moment at his roughness. _He’d never been so aggressive—in bed—before._

Rey sat up, greedily grabbing his shirt. She pulled it over his head, mussing his hair. She could smell the soap on his skin and she remembered him thinking of her in the shower. She didn’t know what she was doing, just what she wanted, to touch his bare chest, his shoulder blades, grind into that V above his pants, his bulge. **_Just a few buttons away. This is it._** She was all anticipation, maybe a hint of fear.

Ben froze, lifting himself out of reach, looking down at Rey, a blush across her cheeks and chest. He grabbed his shirt.

**_I shouldn’t._ **

**_Why?_ **

She hit wall.

He stumbled out of the tent like a thief. Rey lay there half naked on her back, still coming down from her climax. She pulled a blanket over her exposed breasts and zipped the tent closed before someone saw her. _Anyone could have walked by, Finn or Paige. This was reckless...electric...incredible. Why did he leave?_

She could sense Ben was in his tent. She could almost see him through the fabric, his head in his hands. **_Guilt. Regret._**


	3. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben struggles to cope with his behavior on Cliff Night.
> 
> **See, I'm closer to this past  
>  Than I am the future  
> Feeling less like an adult  
> And more like a creature  
> Getting there will take just a little bit of know how  
> Which I'm learning by letting this chapter of life take it's bow**
> 
> To the Class of- by Bleed the Rads 
> 
> [The Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6b8WOI4C4su210mtovSlBa?si=TrySWUBgQSeimsr1yQiW9g)

It was raining hard the next morning so Ben sent a holo asking Chewie to pick the Cliff Night attendees up in the Falcon as a treat, and also because they were probably too hungover for the descent.

He had already climbed down to the beach to drive the three fallers back in the skimmer when he saw the ship land on the plateau above. He spotted a small figure, Rey, right above him, looking down at him from the cliff’s edge. _Maybe some of the rain hitting her was falling on him too._

The Cliff Night attendees beat him back to the academy grounds, dispersed to their huts to expel their stomachs and sleep. He posted on the meditation room door that he was cancelling his classes for the week. He was going to avoid anywhere he might run into Rey while he got himself under control. _This thing was over._

Returning to his warm dwelling, he felt something was wrong. It was Rey. In her hut. Her body temperature was low. _Why didn’t she light a fire?_ He slowly walked towards her hut, weighing his choices, using the force to repel the cold rain. As he got closer he could pick up her thoughts.

**_The other students were smart and packed rain slickers for the Cliff, but she didn’t think of it and now her lips were blue and she was too cold to go out in the rain and ask where the woodpile was. She wanted to talk to Ben this morning about last night and he had run away. She was alone. Too cold to cry._ **

Steeling himself, Ben ran to the woodpile behind the mess hall and stacked his arms with dry logs. _So much for evasive maneuvers._  
  
He knocked gently on the doorframe of her hut and let himself in before someone spotted him. She sat up in bed, eyes wide. She was visibly shaking, the room freezing. Neither spoke as he lit a fire in the grate.

Rey climbed out of bed, still wrapped in her blanket, and sat close to the flames. Ben looked down at the little ball of cold that was Rey. Trying not to think about it too hard, Ben sat down behind her and wrapped his arms around her. There was a flicker of expectation in her thoughts.

 **We’re not doing anything,** he warned.  


Ben could tell her clothes and even the blanket were damp. He pulled the blanket from between them and wrapped his cloak around them both. Her shivering stopped and he pushed her braid around to the front so it could dry by the heat of the fire. He could feel she was contented. And tired. But too excited by his presence to nod off.  


**Just sleep.**  
  
Ben sat like that for an hour, her head resting on his chest. Her head started to bob, heavy with sleep. He picked her up and put her in bed, watching her eyelids to make sure he didn’t wake her. He didn’t want to talk. He quietly placed two more logs on the fire and snatching a piece of paper, he scribbled her a note and left it on her desk.

_The woodpile is behind the mess hall. Extra blankets in the laundry._

In the doorway, he took a quick look back at her laying there, her soft white skin wrapped in his coarse black cloak. _She was happy…and he was miserable._

_\---------------------------------------------_

For 11 days, he successfully avoided her. He kept tabs on her force signature continually and always found a reason to be elsewhere. She was excelling at her classes with Luke and she would be assigned a master eventually, at which time, she would frequently be gone. The thought of that gave him relief but also turned his stomach. He was equal parts guilt and lust. He repulsed himself.

Most days he was a respectable Jedi. Patient, fair, principled, taking pride in hard work and self denial. It was his sleeping self that betrayed him, when he managed to sleep. Dreams were a safe haven for sin. He needed more time, more distance, but he could feel Rey coming towards him. It was very late, or perhaps very early. He sat, in his boxers, at his desk where he had been reading, trying to tire his eyes. He stared at the same spot on the page, waiting for her. He felt her slip into the room, embarrassed to find him in this state of undress.

Rey’s expression was sedate, her body rigid. She tossed his cloak on the bed, staring at it.

He read her. **_She had curled up in that cloak every night, enjoying the smell of him. She had washed it today in secret and dried it in her hut, folded it carefully, and laid on it like a pillow while she planned her intrusion. He could feel his stupid note in her pocket. He could see her earlier, fixing her hair three different ways before eventually deciding on this one._** Shame. He liked the first one.

“Can we talk?” she asked, breaking the silence.

They paused, hearing a couple men walk by his doorway. They hadn’t heard her. Rey retreated further into his room, crossing her arms, feeling unwelcome.

“We can’t talk here, maybe tomorrow,” Ben said, quietly.  


**_We can talk here._** Rey tested, through the bond.

Ben shook his head. **_It’s not people overhearing us I’m worried about,_** giving her a knowing look. He could read in her thoughts that when she planned this late night invasion, the scenarios had always ended with optimistic outcomes of varying salaciousness.

**_What happened? Why did you leave me that night in the tent?_ **

Ben cringed, shame coming back to him. _Her falling, her stumbling, the taste of liquor on her tongue. Where he grabbed her._

**_It’s not complicated. I’m a girl. You’re a b- man._ **

**_I feel less like a man and more like a creature!_** Ben stood up too fast, letting his chair fall to the ground.

Rey inhaled raggedly. **_What?_**

Ben forgot to use the bond, “If I had caught a boy climbing into your tent, after how much you drank, I would have killed him, but it was me, I did that, worse than that. I took you to a tent where no one could see what I was doing. I knew the whole time I was going to do it. Even if you hadn’t kissed me first. It was going to happen. I was trapped on that island with your thoughts and my resolve was like paper. I threw you into that bed! And then-and then you were scared-,” his voice breaking.

The confession over, he bent down and picked up the overturned chair, setting it down loudly.

Worried about his neighbors, Rey whispered, “I wasn’t scared of you, I was just scared of what we were about to do, would it hurt or would I do it wrong, or would someone see us! I didn’t care if it hurt! Though I doubt it would, I was so...ready.”

 ** _You don’t know what you were,_** Ben spat irritably, back to using the bond. **_You know you’re ten years younger than me? Ten years! You’ve been sheltered. Y-y-you’re barely self-aware. I could have done anything-,”_**

He paced, running his hand through his hair.

 _He felt her wanting return._ _Why? Because he moved his hair out of his eyes? This was insufferable. He doubled down._

 ** _I. Am. Stuck here with you. You are my assignment. I’m supposed to make sure you don’t become a dark sider, just like Luke watches me to make sure I don’t become my grandfather. I can’t leave the academy, just like I couldn’t leave 15 kids on that rock when you took off your fucking clothes and danced, thinking about me! It’s not your fault. You have thoughts. BUT I CAN HEAR THEM. I hear you all the time. IT’S WORSE THAN WHEN YOUR GRANDFATHER WAS IN MY FUCKING HEAD BECAUSE I WAS NEVER GOING TO LOSE MY WAY TO HIM. I- _**He stopped, seeing Rey reposition.

Her arms weren’t crossed, she was hugging herself. She was crying, the harder she tried to hide it, the worse her body shook.

“Say whatever you want. I _know_ you. Even if I couldn’t read your mind- uh,” a sob escaping, “Your eyes give you away. Your eyes are my age.” Flushed, she turned and walked out, holding the wall for support.

Ben made to go after her. He stopped himself. _He shouldn’t._ He found the rock on the wall Rey had touched and punched it as hard as he could.


	4. Half-light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion! You'll just have to read it.
> 
> **Be good when you miss her  
>  Step foot in the cage  
> Twice caught like a rabbit  
> No right words to say  
> Be good little habit  
> Get lost in the maze  
> Set free all my sadness  
> Hold on to me now**
> 
> Moona Festival by Polyenso 
> 
> [The Spotify Playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6b8WOI4C4su210mtovSlBa?si=TrySWUBgQSeimsr1yQiW9g)

Rey threw open her trunk, pulling out some clothes from home. She was leaving. It felt strange putting on a dress after weeks in boyish linens. She was going home a failure after less than a month at the academy. She didn’t even get to make a lightsaber yet.

 _She could take Master Luke’s X-wing and have someone return it later_ , she decided.

Rey threw her padawan clothes into the fire, wiping at her tear-stained face as she stood, watching them smoke up the room. Ben’s note was in the pocket, she realized.

_Let it burn._

She threw back the heavy door-curtain, and, seeing Finn up the hill, she changed direction and ran smack into Ben’s chest.

**_You’re not going anywhere._ **

She clashed with his emotions the same time her body had contacted his. _What was he? Angry? Protective? Possessive?_ Her nose stung a little, possibly bleeding. Her belongings littered the ground.

She slapped him as hard as she could. _He had seen it coming, through the bond. He had let her._

_That was confusing._

His cheek smarted for a moment, his hair in his face. He pushed his hair back and faced her again.

_Was he admiring her? The dress? So hard to tell with his wall up._

Ben’s hand came up, force pushing her back into her hut, through the door-curtain, over her bed, and immobilizing her against the wall. He swooped into the room, looking around.

He saw her clothes in the fire. He slammed her trunk closed, leaving a bloody handprint. His knuckles were bleeding.

**_She was glad he had come. She wanted him to keep her here. To fight for her. Even if the one he was fighting was her._ **

That pull was building between them, like the night on the cliff. She didn’t resist his force energy that held her to the wall. She didn’t try to speak.

He was coming towards her all on his own. She was the other magnet. The closer he came, the more impossible it was for him to withstand that invisible charge. She didn’t need to read his thoughts so long as she felt it, the inevitability of it reassured her.

He was standing right in front of her now.

His head dipped to kiss her, then he looked away, fighting himself. He had to brace his arms on either side of her to prevent the pull from dragging his body into hers. His arms began to vibrate with the effort.

 ** _I want to,_** she thought.

 ** _Yeah. Me too._** And he was kissing her. The volume turned up on the world, that same electric, pulsating bass.

Their feet weren't touching the ground. She wasn’t sure which of them was doing that, maybe neither of them.

Ben lifted her bare legs, achingly slow, to straddle him, then slid her dress back to her hips. Rey was shaking, she could feel his length pressing against her spot, excruciatingly hard. He unfroze her arms—finally—from the wall. Her hands gravitated to his broad shoulders, she pulled herself up so she could add weight to her kiss. Unsated, she lowered herself down his chest, feeling his body respond to her curves. She undid his buttons. Ben grabbed his cock and entered her gently, having pushed her panties just enough to be out of his way. There was no pain, only hot satisfaction, a carnal pressure, better than she had imagined, better than anyone deserved.

She blushed with pleasure as she felt his mental barriers collapsing. She had all of him at once and their bond intensified. They weren’t even touching the wall now, they had created their own orbit. Ben’s hand shot out, spinning them and pushing them to the warm clay floor, him still inside her. He buried his head in her neck, thrusting so hard Rey had to grab his shirt to stay where she wanted. They were both unraveling, fully-clothed, the currents of their rhythm shaking stones from the walls. Rey came first, spasms gripping him like a vise, her fists in his shirt, her moan pushing him over the edge. He covered her cries, smiling despite himself.

The room lit up with blue light. Luke’s lightsaber. He stood in the doorway, Finn behind him, their faces full of shock, rage. Rey on the floor, Ben on top of her, his bloody hand over her mouth.

Finn had seen Rey fleeing her hut earlier, but Ben Solo had stood in her way. She struck him and he attacked her with the force, pushing her into her bedroom where he heard slamming and fighting. He first thought to save her himself, but he was no match for Ben. He ran and found Master Luke. 

Rey pulled her dress down as Ben collected himself.

“GET AWAY FROM HER!” Master Luke slashed at Ben, who, unarmed, dodged to one knee.

Luke raised his saber. Ben looked up at him, his arm holding Rey back to protect her from the blow that was coming. There was no time- a frantic eruption of fear shot through Rey’s body, “NOOOO!!!” Blue-white force lightning struck from her hand, hitting Master Luke, Finn, and taking half of the hut wall with it. It shot into the night sky, violent and uncontrollable. She yanked her hand back to her chest with great effort, the lightning gone, the smell of ozone lingering.

Ben wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to her feet.

Half a field away, Master Luke and Finn were righting themselves. Luke made no attempt to relight his lightsaber. Rey was clinging to Ben. He reassessed the situation, and gingerly walked back to the huts, Finn following him. Padawans and masters were all awake, some running out with sabers drawn. Offering no explanation to them, he motioned for Rey and Ben to follow him. In the meditation room, he closed the door behind them.

He turned, pried Rey’s hand out of Ben’s and motioning for Ben to sit further away.

“This is all wrong, Ben. This is not the man I raised,” he sighed, “I was going to make you her master, not now. You are no Jedi now.”

Ben rocked himself, agreeing.

“It’s not his fault!” Rey cried, “Tell him, Ben!”

Ben shook his head, “It doesn’t matter, Rey. I should have controlled myself.”

“We have a force bond! We can hear each other’s thoughts! I sometimes experience his emotions instead of my own! There’s a connection here you can’t see!” Rey insisted.

Luke sat, processing.

“A dyad in the force. It’s not possible.”

“I assure you, it’s very real,” Ben stated.

“No, I believe you, but- there’s no balance. You’re _both_ Jedi. In order to survive, a dyad would have to be one light, one dark,” Luke said, looking between them, worried, “One of you will turn.”

Rey and Ben locked eyes.

 ** _No._** Rey thought to Ben. **_He’s wrong. That will never happen to us._**

**_Don’t worry, Rey, it won’t be you. I’ve felt the darkness pulling me since the moment you stepped off the ship._ **

**_No! We’ll find a way._** Rey stood up and ran from the room.

Ben and Master Luke sat in an uncomfortable silence. The sun was rising, peaking through the cracks of the wood.

Luke leaned forward, “Ben, perhaps I was too dramatic. There may be another option. If you’re both agreed, and you're doing this together...you could live in the half-light. Neither Jedi nor Sith. Half light. Half…dark,” Luke stated.

“What would that life look like?” Ben asked.

“Hypothetically speaking, you would both give way to all the qualities of the light and the dark, in equal measure. Tranquility, serenity, and knowledge as well as anger, passion, and possession. Your job would be to live a life you’re both proud of, maintaining that balance,” Luke presented.

Ben chewed his lip, “All I ever wanted was to be a Jedi. To make you and my parents proud, live up to your legends.”

Luke sighed, “Before there were Jedi, there was the Force, the Balance. You and Rey are incredible beings. You were each made with the other in mind. Your _legend_ is just getting started.”

Ben smiled… _Wait. Where was Rey? Her force signature was gone._

“What’s wrong?” Luke said, watching Ben’s face.

“Rey, she’s off-planet I think!” Ben said, standing.

“Can’t you find her?” Luke asked, hopeful.

“Maybe,” he was already on it, sifting through all the thoughts he remembered her having about other planets. Earlier tonight she was going to Naboo, but that felt wrong. _Ahch-To?_

“Did you teach your students about Ahch-To recently?” Ben asked.

“I did. The historical significance, the origins of our religion.” Luke started.

“Any reason why Rey would want to go there?” Ben asked, impatient, “What did you mention?”

“How to find it, the first Jedi temple, the sacred Jedi texts, the mirror cave-,” Luke remembered.

“That. She thought it could show her the future,” Ben grasped, picking up on pieces of Rey’s studies from earlier, before she came to his hut. Ben’s mouth felt dry. He pictured Rey on Ahch-To, hands on the mirror cave wall, desperate, inviting help from the darkness. _She could never turn. Right?_

Luke’s face was white, “take my X-wing, the coordinates are in there. Do not let her get to that cave.”

\----------------------------------------------------------

Ben flew over the blue planet of Ahch-To, feeling Rey’s force signature before he spotted the commandeered Millenium Falcon. He landed on a flat outcropping near the ominous black hole spewing seaweed. He stood at its edge, seeing no light inside.

 _Rey was below, he could feel it._ He jumped.

The water was frigid, taking his breath away.

He pulled himself up onto the natural rock platform next to the gray mirror, waterlogged, looking around for Rey.

_Her light was there, behind the mirror._

“REY!!!” he shouted.

He put his hands on the mirror, waiting for the cave to offer him what he sought.

He felt a pull. Not to Rey this time. To the darkness. Not a presence, not a person, an overwhelming power.

**_It called to him. If he went to the dark, Rey would be in the light. There would be balance._ **

He felt along the wall. _No no no. Please._

_Master Luke said there was another way. Half-light._

Suddenly, the cave was filled with Rey’s screams.

_She was being tortured, on the other side of the mirror. He could see her light, it was right there._

He ran to the mirror, shouting, _“I’M HERE! I’M RIGHT HERE! I’M- **REY, I’M COMING, HOLD ON!!** _

He slashed at the wall with his lightsaber. Not a scratch. He pounded the mirror until his fists were bloody, not to break it, but to share in her pain. He wailed until the noise came out hoarse and broken. Each shriek of hers was a blade in him. The cries continued, getting more pained. _How long was he going to make her suffer? Just let the darkness take him._

_He took down the wall in his mind, piece by piece, inviting it in._

He let it have him.

The screaming stopped.

His ears were ringing in the silence.

He turned his head.

Rey was there, right there next to him, her hands over her ears, her eyes pressed closed.

He could read her thoughts.

**_I let it in. I let it in. Ben is safe._ **

“Rey?” Ben whispered, his voice raw. She didn’t hear him.

**Rey.**

She turned to see him, her wet hair stuck to her cheeks.

 ** _It’s okay_** **.** He took a deep breath. **_I don’t think it was real._**

She wrapped her arms around his neck. He pulled her tiny body to his.

“I thought you were being hurt. On the other side _,”_ Rey said.

“I thought the same.”

 ** _I let in the darkness,_** she admitted.

**_There was no darkness. It was just- showing us our greatest fears. Turning to the dark, losing each other. We chose to save the other rather than flee. That would have been letting fear overpower, the path to the dark side._ **

“I feel like I can’t move,” Rey said, faintly.

“You’re in shock.”

He picked her up, carrying her through the caverns to the light of the surface, his bloody hands stinging, his arms bruised. Feeling lightheaded, he set her down and sat next to her in the grass, letting the suns warm them.

Ben noticed one sun was smaller than the other. They reminded him of Rey and himself. Two suns spending eternity side by side while the other planets perceived only light and darkness.

“I thought the mirror would show me our future, a path forward,” she said, laying down on the grass, “I know there’s a way-,”

“There is,” he said, his voice husky from shouting in the cave. He laid next to her.

She faced him, the wind tugging at her hair like the day she stepped off the ship.

Ben rotated, kissing her. **_I’ll tell you later._** She pulled him in and as their bodies synchronized, he could feel the light _and_ the dark, the passion and possession in loving her, wanting her for himself, but the serenity in being untroubled—at last—by worries. They would live in the half-light and be each other’s masters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus song: Half-Light (featuring Kelly Zutrau) by Rostam, Kelly Zutrau, Instupendo


End file.
